


Lie of Attrition

by Yoruai (yoruai)



Category: Tales of Destiny
Genre: Anal Fingering, Frottage, Heartbreak, Leon lies to keep Stahn away from daddy., M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Possibly Unrequited Love, Rejection, Unrequited Love, it's complicated - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoruai/pseuds/Yoruai
Summary: Leon is only human, even if he has to pretend not to be. Stahn reminds him of that.He falls in love, and all he can do is lie to himself and those around him to save himself from the tragedy that would follow.





	Lie of Attrition

Leon was tired.

Not physically, no. Mentally. 

It was hard enough that he was traveling with his sister, a sister who didn’t even recognize him, but he also had to keep watch on the biggest idiot he’d ever met in his life.

Stahn’s manner of thinking was alien to him. Sure he was met with hostility at first, which was to be expected seeing as he was literally keeping them prisoner as they traveled, but for some reason that hostility waned easily. 

After a while, the blonde’s manner of speaking with him warmed. Leon ignored it at first, but Stahn was quite persistent. Soon Stahn was bunking up with him when they rested, watching his six when they fought, even trying to cook things Leon liked and trying to make his time with them easier.

And everytime Leon questioned why, Stahn would just give him the same answer.

“Because we’re friends! I like you Leon, and I want to make you feel welcome with us!” Stahn would say, his smile bright like the sun. 

He didn’t understand it. 

Instead of hating him, Stahn grew into a habit of trying to understand him. He grew close, his excitable nature tiring Leon out most of the time. 

But that warmth… Stahn was starting to affect him. He was starting to take Stahn’s kindness for granted. He even started anticipating the time he’d be around the hyper blonde.

He didn’t like these new feelings, So Leon lied to himself. 

He told himself it was just hate.

It was truth usually. People like Stahn upset him. That happy go lucky exterior coupled with his need to help was superfluous, and he could see the man being one to be easily taken advantage of. That idiotic and blind faith in people would be his end one day, Leon knew it would. 

Yes, people like that he hated.

“Are you okay? Leon?” Stahn would ask after a hard fight.

“You don’t look well, Leon. Lemme take care of you yeah?” Stahn would say when he was motion sick.

“Why? Because I like you Leon!” Stahn would respond to his why’s with a warm smile.

He hated people like Stahn… so why did Stahn feel different?

After a while he had to accept that he didn’t hate him. 

No matter how hard he tried to muster up hate for the blonde, who was too pure and too trusting for his own good, he felt a warmth inside him. The longer he stayed with Stahn, the longer he wanted to be by his side.

He hadn’t felt this feeling since Marian, but it was different. It was warmer, sweet like honey and gave him a craving for more of that feeling.

It must have been sometime before their last big hunt for the Lens, that he realized that he had feelings for him.

Leon didn’t know how he personally felt about this revelation. 

Eventually… Leon settled on apathy.

He couldn’t. He was a tool. He existed to fulfil his father's wishes and to keep Marian safe, no more and no less. 

So he buried those feelings. Buried them down deep and began to snap anytime Stahn showed him kindness. Leon grew frustrated as this seemed to only spur Stahn to be more determined, the warm fuzzy oaf trying even harder to tear down his barriers.

Leon didn’t show it, but he was succeeding.

That thought scared him.

Still, all too soon they finished their mission, and were on their way back to report. 

Soon Stahn would be gone. 

Soon things would be easier.

At least… that’s how it should’ve been.

“Hey, Leon?” Stahn had called for him, chuckling as he glanced to the side, “Can you talk with me for a bit?

Leon pouted, “I’m not deaf, if you have something to say, say it.” he said quietly, returning to his tea as he sat at the bar, inwardly seething as Rutee and Mary wailed loudly with drunken laughter a few tables away.

“Sure but um, can you come up to my room? I kinda uh… want to talk to you about this in private.” He said with a small laugh.

Leon shouldn’t.

He was going to be rid of Stahn in a few days time, he should just go about his life.

Still… those eyes.

So sweet was that warm smile, lulling him and giving him that warm feeling, that want to be close.

He could give into it, just once.

“Fine. Don’t keep me long, I wanted to try one last tea here before retiring to sleep.” Leon bit out, brushing past Stahn in what he hoped was him showing that he was displeased. 

He’d only have to keep up this charade for so much longer.

He walked into Stahn’s room, crossing his arms in a huff as he gazed at him.

“We’re gonna be parting ways soon…” Stahn started as he closed the door, a small smile on his face as he stepped toward Leon.

Leon allowed it, feeling a bit apprehensive as Stahn got a bit closer than he usually did, “So we will. I must return to my duties when this is all done.” he said quietly.

Stahn gazed to the side, fidgeting a bit as he gave a nervous laugh. “I don’t suppose I could come visit, could I?” He tried, looking at Leon hopefully.

Leon felt a twinge in his gut, a warm fluttery feeling settling there as he squashed it and scoffed, “An audience with me? That would be difficult. I’m a busy man Stahn, and my liege will not spare me to others so easily unless it’s an emergency.” 

Stahn bit his bottom lip, looking thoughtful, “W-well you’ve got to have time off right? I could see you then!” he offered, leaning closer.

He was too close.

Leon stepped back, glancing to the side, “Why? I live leagues away from where you said you lived. There’d be no point-” 

“I want to.” Stahn interrupted, looking determined, “I want to… be with you more, is all.”

This was bad.

He had grown to like Stahn… and now the blonde was fond of him… 

If his father found out, he could end up like Marian…

Leon couldn’t bear that.

“W-well I don’t.” Leon snapped, hugging himself defensively as he felt nervous. He needed to push Stahn away but when he did it gave him pangs in his chest. “When this is all done with if I never see your face again…” Leon stuttered, gritting his teeth as he kept his head down, “If I never see you again it would be too soon.”

He hated this, it made him feel weak.

Stahn shifted nervously, gazing at Leon with a small smile, “You’re so cold, y’know… Unnaturally cold… especially to me.”

Leon scoffed, “Of course, I don’t care for you or any of your flock at all.” 

Stahn shook his head, “No… if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be this callus... You’re not this bad with the others either, just with me… I can’t help but wonder if it’s deliberate… like you’re trying to keep me at arms length because you do feel something and it bothers you.”

Leon tried to keep his cheeks from burning as he gazed to the side, “Why would I feel anything for you huh?”

Stahn grinned, “Because you’re blushing.” he teased.

Leon stuttered, suddenly feeling very vulnerable as Stahn walked toward him. 

“It’s okay Leon, I don’t mind. If anything you trying so hard to deny it just makes me want to try harder.” He said with a soft laugh, walking toward Leon and backing him up into the wall as he gazed at him curiously. “I… do like you after all.”

“Again with that.” Leon was losing his composure. “Like, like, like is all that comes out of your mouth. I get that you want to be friends, b-but I don’t-”

Stahn gently placed his hands against the wall on either side of Leon, smiling down at him, “Leon… not like that…” He said quietly, slowly caving his arms around Leon’s head as he gazed down at the smaller man, his smile growing warm “I… like you… so much it hurts…”

Oh.

Oh no…

Leon froze, staring up at Stahn with wide eyes. “You… You like me…?”

Stahn blushed, glancing to the side with a nervous laugh, “Well yeah I like you. Heh… I keep telling you and you keep getting all huffy. I was trying to leave you alone but… it’s kinda hard…” He gazed at Leon shyly, “I… decided I’d just tell you and… see if anything could come from it.”

Leon mentally cursed as he was unable to do or say anything, he fidgeted as he looked somewhere, anywhere but Stahn.

He was so happy… but he shouldn't’ be happy.

He was upset that he couldn’t be happy.

Why did Stahn have to say anything? If he had just been quiet then Leon wouldn’t have to feel this way.

This was the worst feeling in the world.

“Leon…” Stahn said softly, sweetly.

Don’t.

The way he said his name shook Leon to the core. Leon wanted to yell at Stahn, hell even beg him not to say his name like it was a prayer. He could only stutter, letting out a soft noise as he felt Stahn’s arms slip from the wall to trace down his sides, slowly wrapping around him.

Stahn shushed him gently,, soothing him into his touch as Leon began to lean against him.

Why was he so gentle… it was so hard not to just cling to him. He trembled in Stahn’s arms, resting his head on Stahns chest as he halfheartedly returned the small hold.

“Hey… can I kiss you?” Stahn asked quietly, gingerly rubbing up and down Leon’s back in a soothing motion, as if any wrong move would spook him.

Leon looked up at him then, words frozen in his throat as he truly got a good look at Stahn. The blonde’s sincere face made his cheeks burn, and his heart was swelled like it was going to burst with this strange anxious wanting. 

Stahn leaned down, pressing his forehead to Leon’s as he searched his eyes. Leon wanted to look away, but he couldn't’ tear himself from the warmth in those irises, that same pure kindness that threatened to burn him up and take him over.

Stahn smiled, wrapping his arms around Leon a little steadier as he leaned close. “Just… tell me if you want to stop… please…” Stahn said quietly, barely a whisper against Leon’s lips as he leaned in.

Stahn was warm… 

His body was warm against his, his words warmed his soul in ways he didn’t know words could…

And his kiss was warm… enveloping and whole.

Leon let out a soft noise as Stahn gently melded their mouths together, taking everything slowly and gently as he kept him in a warm embrace.

All too soon it was gone, Stahn pulling back a bit and gazing at him. His pupils were blown wide, want evident in them as he massaged the nape of Leon’s neck, “Was that okay…?” Stahn asked hopefully.

Leon could only gaze at him, feeling his heart pound as he craved more of the blonde. He began to lean up, ready to initiate a kiss. He realized what he was doing and stopped himself, but Stahn saw it. He saw that reciprocation despite how brief it was and he leaned down and met him halfway. 

The kisses got feverish, Stahn pressing him gently against the wall as their kisses became a small mess of nips and suckles. Somewhere along the line, Leon didn’t know when, he had begun to kiss back, clinging to Stahn’s scarf as he was taken in by the older man.

Stahn shifted them, Leon shuddering as his body was pressed against the mattress. Stahns weight covered him, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. A heady heat spread between them as he felt his thighs part to settle around Stahns hips. 

Stahn rolled his body against the one beneath him, and Leon broke from the kiss, letting out a soft cry that was unlike any of the sounds Stahn had ever heard. So the blonde did it again, and again, setting a rhythm against Leon as he leaned in and kissed gently over his face.

It felt so good. Leon felt like his heart was soaring.

In this moment, for this one moment, he wanted to let Stahn be everything to him.

Leon was done trying to fight it, done trying to keep his walls up as he wrapped his legs tighter around the blonde and grinded against him.

It was just tonight.

He was a tool with one purpose, to keep Marian safe.

But he could forget that’s all he was for tonight.

He could be with Stahn tonight. Just one night before he left…

Before he had to leave Stahn…

Before… he was alone again…

“Leon…?” Stahn said quietly, his hips stilling as he traced his palm over Leon’s cheek.

He felt the wet line Stahn traced on his cheek, and dread dropped into the pool of his belly like a stone.

Leon realized he was crying, a soft hiccup leaving him as he took a shaky breath.

No, he couldn't’ cry. Not in front of anyone.

Stahn looked worried, “I- D-Did I go too fast?” He pursed his lips, glancing to the side, “Y-You haven’t said anything to me since I said I liked you... “ A guilty expression rose on Stahns face as he turned to look at him, “Did… I read the mood wrong? Do you not want to be with me…?”

No.

No, he wanted this. He wanted Stahn more than anything.

Please don’t look sad, Leon thought.

But he shouldn’t… He couldn't’ be weak.

He was a tool, not a lover. He was a tool that was already owned.

He couldn’t be owned by Stahn.

He couldn’t be weak in front of Stahn… because Stahn would try to support him if he was weak.

Stahn would come to him if he was weak… be used by his father to keep him further tied down.

Stahn would suffer… So he lied.

“You finally noticed?” Leon bit out, shoving Stahn harshly off him, “God… the thought of you touching me it… filled me with such disgust I couldn’t even think.” He spat, turning to glare at Stahn.

Leon swore he could see Stahn’s heart breaking through his eyes alone.

He felt a hairline fracture in his heart as well when he looked upon him.

Stahn stuttered, raising his hand to gently touch Leon’s shoulder. “L-Leon i’m sorry I… I didn’t know-”

A hard smack resounded across the room as Leon slapped the hand roughly away.

Stahn’s eyes grieved, and Leon’s heart broke more.

“No. You didn’t.” Leon bit out. “You keep going on and on about us being friends and comrades like the stupid idiot you are. I never reciprocated, not once, and not ever.” He was almost to the point of raising his voice, the words spilling out of his mouth as he was unable to stop now that he had started. “You were just a mission to me. I don’t like you, and never will like you. Not as a friend and certainly not as a lover…” Leon trembled, his speech wavering as he saw Stahn’s absolute devastation.

Leon got up, turning around to keep from caving as he swallowed down the sorrow that was trying to keep him from continuing. “I… hate people like you the most, so stop trying to talk to me.” 

Leon felt his heart crumble into dust at those words, so he left.

He couldn’t take it back, not now. 

He resolved himself as he stormed out, making the long trek to his room and locking the door.

Once he was behind the door, he fell to his knees, keeping his sobs as silent as he could as tears fell in thick rivers dow his cheeks, pooling at his chin to drip on the floor as he let himself mourn the loss of what could’ve been.

He made his choice.

He had to choose Marian.

He couldn’t be with Stahn, his father would never allow it.

His father would ruin him if he chose Stahn… worse so he’d ruin the blonde. Stahn would be held in chains due to his strength. Locked away like a caged animal down in the deepest dungeons where not even Leon could find him… 

He was owned… he couldn’t be with another.

So long as he was owned, He would never have the freedom of that choice… not unless he wanted another person to become caged with him.

So Leon cried. He didn’t know for how long, but at some point he must have fallen asleep as he awoke, still leaning heavily against the door as a throbbing headache hit him from the tears he spilt.

He shakilly got up, his lower back and knees aching from the position he slept in as he fixed himself up, heading out to join the group as the sun sat high in the sky.

Stahn was sitting with Rutee in the inns lounge, the blonde smiling warmly as the two of them talked back and forth.

Stahn looked up, freezing a bit when he saw Leon, before laughing it off and waving at him.

Leon closed his eyes, keeping the lump in his throat down as he ignored him.

They were like that the next couple of days it took to get back, Leon avoiding Stahn like the plague and Stahn brushing it off and keeping things warm and pleasant between them when they did interact.

How could he, after what Leon did.

Why couldn't Stahn hate him? It would be so much easier to bear than this. 

Still, his kindness was strained. It was distant compared to the warm pushing that he did before.

He was still sweet… but he saw how he gravitated toward the others.

Particularly, toward his sister.

The two had always been close, but in the time that they had been heading back they seemed to just grow closer and closer.

It left an ache, but he pushed it down.

He couldn’t be with Stahn, but his sister could.

He couldn’t make Stahn happy, but Rutee could. They could have a life… a family…

These were things that Leon could never have.

So when the day came that they made it back, he reported to the king and didn’t look back as he walked away from the group.

Time passed, and he tried to forget Stahn, tried to forget everything and focus on being the tool that could keep Marian alive. 

But it hurt… he missed him and he hated it.

He hated that he liked Stahn… more than that he wanted him.

He wanted to be held by him, shielded by him.

He wanted the warmth he gave, both his body and his words that kept him warm inside and out.

He couldn’t have that warmth… but he could pretend.

He could lay at night alone and away from the prying eyes of everyone in the manor. He could remember how warm Stahn had been as he held him, how their bodies had slotted together, how Stahn had rolled his hips against him like he wanted everything Leon could give.

As leon touched himself, he imagined them going further. He imagined the gentle way Stahn could’ve stripped him down, how he probably would’ve kissed and worshiped every inch of him like he was something sacred instead of the filth he actually was.

Leon pushed his fingers inside of himself, imagining how Stahn would probably have gently worked him open, whispering soft words of encouragement to him as his body grew pliant.

Because that’s how Stahn was. He was fiery and passionate, but with those he cared about he was gentle and pure. 

Stahn was all consuming in the sweetest way possible.

As he rubbed the deepest parts of himself, he imagined how that very warmth would consume him, starting with a gentle roll of Stahns hips and slowly working from soft rocks to passionate thrusts, bringing Leon higher and higher into a crescendo as Stahn burned up every bit of him with that love.

Love… Stahn loved him…

Stahn had never put it that way… but why else would he have tried so hard? Why else would he have been so kind when Leon had torn his heart to pieces every time it was laid bare to him.

Yes… that had to have been love.

Stahn was in love with him…

A warm feeling blossomed in Leon’s chest as he worked himself to completion. He arched off the bed, letting out a soft cry, climaxing hard as Stahns name left his lips in a soft whisper.

He stared dully at the ceiling then, his fantasies of Stahn slowly fading and leaving him with a slightly empty feeling.

He cleaned himself up and curled up on his side. 

It was fine. This was fine.

Marian was safe because he was doing his job as a tool. 

Marian supported him.

Stahn loved him… even if they couldn’t be together someone loved him that way.

He could take solace in that.

The days passed, and he was able to bury that empty feeling. Spending more time with Marian when he wasn’t busy, and letting his fantasies roam wild when he was alone in his bed.

Of Stahn loving him, showing that love to him in many passionate ways.

It kept Leon going. It kept him going for a very long time.

Until that one mission… 

Why did Stahn have to come.

Why was he here? Why did he have to interfere…

It was him or Marian, and Leon had to choose Marian. He owed it to her...

So Leon brought to light who he was. He broke Rutee’s heart to try and dissuade any feelings Stahn had by showing how shitty a brother he was to her by doing this. He branded himself as a traitor to them. He enunciated every bit of betrayal as he took in the grievous looks of his former comrades.

All looked betrayed before him… all but one.

So he fought. He fought tooth and nail for Marian even if it broke his heart.

He antagonized Stahn, spit out horrible words to try and get that look off of Stahns face. 

That warm, sad look, that look that showed that Leon still meant something to him.

That look made him waver, and it was that one moment of wavering that was his downfall.

Stahn had him pinned hard against the wall, leaning close as he sobbed.

“Why… why do you waste all this drivel on me Stahn…” Leon grit out, struggling against the pin as he reached for a knife to stab Stahn in the side.

Stahn threw more weight onto him, the force knocking the weapon out of his hand as he was held tightly.

Leon felt his heart flutter, and he hated it, he hated how his struggles eventually waned to him just resting his head on Stahns shoulder. Taking in his warmth, his scent… He missed it.

He missed him, even now. 

Even now gaping and open from wounds that he brought upon himself, Stahn was holding him, and he wanted nothing more than to hold him back.

“Why…” Leon asked quietly, closing his eyes in frustration as he felt his heart sink.

“Because I loved you… and even though you hate me I still want to save you…” Stahn said quietly, a plead on his lips as his grip softened into a gentle one. “Please let me help you Leon.” 

Loved… 

Stahn had loved him… 

Stahn’s love belonged to another now? Then...

Leon opened his eyes, looking past Stahn at Rutee as she readied another arte against him, tears in her eyes as she begged Leon to stand down.

Ah… 

He’d lost… in every sense of the word.

Leon fell to his knees when Stahn’s hold became too light to hold him up, his injuries too much to bear.

His heart was so heavy.

He had failed as a tool. 

He had failed in stopping them, meaning he had failed to protect Marian… 

Leon looked up at Stahn, taking in the blonde’s pained expression.

He had failed to be the apple of Stahns eye… Failed to be someone worth holding on to.

He failed.

The rest of the group began to note the sound of torrential water resounding in their ears.

They didn’t have much time, they’d all die here… 

Stahn couldn’t save everyone, he could see in his face that it was dawning on him.

Not everyone could be saved… but…

Leon looked at the mechanism for the elevator, the only thing that could get them out… but someone had to stay behind.

He looked at Stahn.

Stahn wanted to save him… 

Stahn wouldn’t leave him… Stahn wouldn’t let him die if he knew.

So Leon lied to him one last time. 

Leon told him he knew how to get out as he sent him and his friends to the elevator.

The second Stahn went inside, he shut it.

Leon smiled at him then. Smiled up at Stahn as he cried and screamed Leon’s name, the elevator taking them all to safety.

He kept his gaze on Stahn for as long as he could, wanting to burn that look of worry and need in his memories as one of the last things he saw.

Stahn was on the verge of tears, rattling the bars of the elevator as a look of complete anguish wrote itself on the blonde’s face.

Still… Leon kept smiling, a warm smile full of love and relief that the blonde was going to be alright. 

Even if the last thing he ever said to Stahn was a lie, This smile was one truth Leon could give him.

He sat down, smiling warmly to himself, apologizing to Chal and holding the sword close in a small comfort.

Perhaps, in death he could find freedom. Perhaps in death Marian would find freedom as well… 

Perhaps in death… Stahn could forget about him and move on completely.

Stahn deserved at least that.

No… Stahn deserved a lot of things.

He deserved to live… he deserved to survive this and start a family with someone who wasn’t afraid to love him back. He deserved this sacrifice.

As water filled Leon's lungs, as the icy water began crushing him, and his mind grew light and hazy from death, he could admit that Stahn had deserved his love as well.

It was fine, Leon thought. He could die loving Stahn. As penance for all the lies he had given him in life. He kept that beautiful idiot in his thoughts, branded him in his brain for as long as he could.

Until he could think no more and death seeped the last bits of life out of him.

**Author's Note:**

> been so busy I haven't had any time for fanfics, but I was playing Tales of the Rays and got to Leon's chapter and it brought me feels for the OG destiny game ;u;
> 
> It has been like 12 years since I played Tales of Destiny so sorry if I got things wrong. I also went with the death scene from the directors cut since I felt it was more impactful. I hope you all enjoyed this little snipped born from the nostalgia from my childhood!


End file.
